Giving my baby up in a black culture

To my adoption social worker

Meeting you has been the best experience in my life and I thank God for people like you because you remind people like us that there is hope out here in this world.

After *Sipho met his parent, I was still in denial that I had a baby. So I went back home thinking everything was back to normal but it wasn’t. My personality started to change as I was having sleepless nights, headaches and was always yelling at people. I realized him leaving affected me afterwards. It became more of a problem because I wasn’t saying anything to anyone. My family thought it was a phase.

I started going to church and the counselor said I should start working on myself. I never understood why until I watched the Opera Show and Oprah said “anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. Those words stuck to me and I realized I was angry at myself, you, *Sipho, my mom and the world. I was looking for peace and I couldn’t find it until I met Jesus.

I spent 1 year working on myself through helping other teenagers speak about their fears, but they were helping me because I recognised my voice through them. If *Sipho was with me I wasn’t going to travel nor meet people who are in the same situation as I used to be.

Adoption to black people is still an issue as the believe system states “suffer with the child”. I am grateful for giving him a family that can truly care for him as I am busy finding myself slowly.

Thank u again for not only being there for me but being patient with me.

* Alias name