The best choice for both of us

I, *Carol was born in Pretoria.  I had a happy childhood with church going parents, even though my dad was a weekend alcoholic and when he was under the influence he abused our family verbally and physically.  My mom on the other side has always been loving and caring, trying to make up for my dad’s bad behaviour.  I did very well in school academically I was always under the top ten and I got my Northern Transvaal colours in long distance running.  I have a brother who is three years older then me, since we were young we have been very close, but our co-dependant relationship turned out to be unhealthy when we got older.

On the age of 15 my dad died a sudden death when he had a heart attack.  It was a big emotional break down for me, because I was the apple of my dad’s eye. I’ve started cutting my arms repeatedly.  I’ve started smoking weed and abusing alcohol until I’ve met the monster that have haunted me for many years and caused me a lot of pain and suffering.  On the age of 16 I was introduced to heroin, it numb my pain I had at the time.  I went from one abusive relationship into another, all that mattered to me was how to get hold of my next fix.  I’ve finished matric, not the way I could have though.

On the age of 20 I had a miscarriage after this my addiction changed from bad to worse.  I’ve started prostituting myself, advertising on the internet and in the newspaper as an escort.  I got involved with Nigerians, because they gave me crack and heroin, which was the only thing that mattered to me at the time.  I was in and out of rehabilitation centres, but every time when I got out I went back to the Nigerians.  My mom tried everything in her power as a single parent, without any success.

Last year October I had enough and I’ve finally realized that I deserve better in life.  I went to South Coast Recovery Centre, two months in my program there, I’ve found out that I was 20 week pregnant, I was hysterical and had the option of an abortion, because of my substance abuse.  At the time I did consider it, but I’ve decided against it.

I’ve stayed in the rehabilitation centre until I was 7 and a half months pregnant when I went to the Pregnancy Resource centre in Amamzimtoti.  They gave me great love and support throughout my pregnancy as well as with my addiction problem.  I’ve decided that the best option for my baby and me would be to release my baby for adoption.  My baby was born a healthy baby boy and I see him as a gift from God.  I am still having emotional and difficult days, but in my heart I believe I have made the best choice for both of us.  I am taking one day at a time and I dedicate my life to God, because I know it’s only because of His love that I am where I am today.

*Names have been changed in the interests of privacy